Friday, December 26, 2008



The Dream of Eleuteria Kirschbaum

A year has already passed but it seems like only yesterday.

I am Eleuteria Duhaylungsod. I haven’t gotten used to it but, actually, my name is now Eleuteria Kirschbaum. My story began in Barangay Guindulman in Bohol. And continued at the Mactan International Airport.


When the plane I took landed in Kota Kinabalu in Malaysia, my heart nearly exploded from fear. For in my whole life I had never flown in a plane. Just that time.


It’s fortunate that we only stayed for twenty minutes in Kota Kinabalu so there was no need to leave my seat. Pastilan! I could not even unfasten my seatbelt right. I was almost terrified the moment the plane was about to take off. For neither do I, had the faintest idea how to fasten my seatbelt. Good that the American next to me helped. I was so embarrassed when he had to teach me how to fasten and unfasten the belt that is made of iron.What would I do if Hans failed to fetch me at the airport in Germany? I could only repeat pastilan.


Hans is the German guy I was about to marry. I was only joking with my cousin Merle when she came home to Guindulman, after three years of marriage to her penpal.


“Just give me a foreigner whom I can also marry so I can have a child like yours, very handsome!” I teased Merle.“


“OK, I’ll find you a husband so that I‘ll have a relative I can easily call on in Germany,” Merle said.


I didn’t expect it to come true. But when I received a letter from Hans, my dream, I must admit, also blossomed. The picture he sent me with his letter, I treasured it dearly. And after six months of writing each other, he asked me to work on my visa. I don’t know how many times I went back and forth to Cebu for my passport. How hard it was! What with my birth certificate that could no longer be found at the municipal hall? Was it eaten bit by bit by mice or termites perhaps? And when I finally got my passport, the fiancée visa was my next problem. The interview at the German embassy in Manila was definitely not easy. It was a good thing that someone from the travel agency preparing my documents went with me.


And Hans is perhaps marked on my palm. For, surprisingly, my visa was approved. I could perhaps almost reach my dream; to also help my parents and siblings who wallow in the bitterness of poverty in the Philippines. How wonderful it would have been if my brothers and sisters could finish college. And Nanay and Tatay, too, could finally live in a house with a roof that does not leak. Like the new house of Merle’s parents. Then they could also at least eat meat everyday.


"Fasten your seatbelts, please,” said the pretty stewardess walking back and forth in the plane.


This time, I was less afraid because I already understood her. In a short while, the same stewardess came back.


“Would you like fish in curry sauce and rice or beef rouladen with mashed potatoes Ma’am?”


“Fish, Ma’am” was my quick reply for I was not familiar with all the things she’s saying.


” How about wine, juice, coffee, or tea?


“Cokes, Ma’am” I replied.


Good that she didn’t ask anything else, for the curious American beside me was actually listening to us. After eating, I checked if the round sticker on my blue blouse was still there. Because when I checked-in at the airport in the city of Lapulapu, the woman pinned it on me in the counter.


“Just wait for the instructions of the stewardess so you won’t miss your connecting flight” the woman said.


Honestly, I was really scared of being stranded in a strange place. Hesus, Maria, kalawaton . . . what would I do then? I asked myself.


Before long, we arrived in Kuala Lumpur. The stewardess approached me and said, “Please stay in your seat until I come back for you” while looking at the sticker on my blouse. That was the reason why I stayed in the plane until almost no more passengers were left. There were only three of us in the plane and we were all Filipinas, all first-timers in flying. And all, standing in a foreign country too.


Vangie and Nerissa were also heading to Frankfurt, Germany. Like me, they were also hoping to better the life by marrying a foreigner. I was so happy that I finally have company. And the throbbing in my heart quieted down a little.


Like obedient lambs, the stewardess led us to gate 47 where the plane that would fly us to Germany would be taking off. We stayed for six hours in Kuala Lumpur. So we got the chance to know each other.


"My would-be husband, Peter, is 60 years old and I will be 22, in the following year, but it’s important to be practical nowadays,” Vangie said.


"There are 10 years between me and Markus but we really fell in love, though only through email and the phone,” Nerissa in turn said.


I did not join in that discussion because, honestly, love is actually not the reason for my marrying Hans. I was just really fed up with the hardship in the Philippines. Hans would be my savior from a life that has nowhere to go but poverty. Tatay has no real job and is a drunkard, too. Nanay is addicted to masiao and is always getting pregnant.


There are already twelve of us and I am the eldest. I am a graduate of the Guindulman Public High School and at 23 I have to help my family. I have really no plans of getting married to Kardo, a farmer or to Nestong, the tricycle driver. For I’m sure my life would never get better with either of them. Better not, please. Hopefully, I would be lucky with Hans!


The flight from Kuala Lumpur to Frankfurt took about eight hours. And the fear in my chest is constantly pounding. Not from fear of getting lost anymore but from the madness of this very new life that I am facing. The man I was about to marry, is a stranger. We hadn’t even met in person.


Sus! If only I can jump off the plane and fly back to the Philippines. But Nanay and Tatay had high hopes for me. They even bragged to our nosey neighbors that soon, I would be able to buy them a karaoke. It was perhaps this that gave me the courage to face this never-ending fear in my being.


It was exactly 7:45 in the morning when I arrived in Frankfurt. I did not have enough sleep for my mind was restless. Neither could I turn on the small television set in front of me. So, thoughts kept on whirling in my mind. Also, I had no one to talk to. Vangie and Nerissa were far away from where I was seated. And the guy next to me ignored me. How numb it felt, my sleeping legs.


Like what happened in Kuala Lumpur, the stewardess dragged us again. She brought us to the window of the immigration officer and instructed us how to pick up our suitcases. My nervous knees could no longer bear it. They were shaking harder when it was my turn at the window.


“Passport please. How long are you staying in Germany? Where are you going to stay?”


A gunfire of questions came from the police officer who showed at the window. There were probably no errors in the form I filled up in the plane. After I stammered my answers to his questions, he gave me back my passport. Like a criminal, I quickly turned away from him


“It would be nice if our places here are near, “ Vangie said “so we can still meet up”.“


“Right” Nerissa agreed while I could only nod, as we waited for our suitcases. And I took out Hans’ picture from my wallet- “I hope he is waiting for me.”


How big the airport in Frankfurt is! The surrounding was very clean. Even the wind that touched my face was also quite fresh. And though there were a lot of people, the place was unusually quiet. It had a foreign smell too. Like the scent of the bag Merle gave me when she visited us in Guindulman the year before.


In a short while, I saw someone beckoning at me. And that was the first time I saw my fiancé. Hans is, in fact, very fat. He did not send me a full-body picture of himself in the Philippines. But like a bird in a cage, I still married him.


He also can’t speak English well. And he doesn’t have a regular job. We are lucky to be staying in his mother’s house. So we don’t have to pay for rent, electricity or food. But what he gets as welfare compensation from their government is just enough to spend for his vices. Every day he consumes no less than five packs of cigarettes and ten bottles of Bitburger beer. And oftentimes he rides around with his friends on their big motorbikes. To think that gasoline is so expensive here. If one computes it in Philippine pesos, it would run to 200 pesos plus per liter.


The house where I live in Hundsangen is made of concrete. It is like a rich man’s house in Guindulman. What I eat is delicious, too. Compared to the camote tops and corn which Nanay usually prepares at home. Sometimes, I choke on the brötchen and bratwurst when I remember the emptiness of the table of my brothers and sisters at home. We also have our own car to drive through the wide autobahns for visits to Merle and her strict husband. So, I shouldn’t be feeling sad here.


But why is my heart very heavy? Perhaps because until now, I still don’t feel love for Hans. Or maybe it’s because of this giant loneliness that I feel everyday. How wonderful to recall my dream; the sea of Guindulman; barefoot while bathing under the grace of the heat of the sun and salty air. I also long for boiled green bananas dipped in ginamos-tugnos that we used to take with us to the beach on Sundays.


Possibly I’m just fed up for it is as though I am the only person staying in the house. I can’t talk with Hans’ mother since she can’t speak English. I avoid her instead. I don’t know why, that with all the houses and cars in this place, it is still very quiet around me. Sometimes, It seems like I’m the only living person in the whole world.


Or perhaps, it stems from the reason that until now, I still can’t speak fluent German. I can’t really talk seriously to anyone. I wonder how Vangie and Nerissa are doing now? We didn’t exchange telephone numbers since the three of us were all the same. We were all ignorant. It is also very expensive if I always use the phone here. Every time we talk over the phone, it is like taking a taxi. The meter ticks so fast.


Or perhaps the reason for this rattling in my chest is that a year has already passed and I still haven’t bought a karaoke set for my Nanay and Tatay.

MARIA VICTORIA BELTRAN

Originally in Cebuano, Ang Damgo Ni Eleuteria Kirschbaum
Translated by Jad Conde
Edited by Cora Almerino

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